Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
by GothBeat66
Summary: A short musical play based(and containing) on the song "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered." A nurse wishes Hawkeye would notice her a something more than just a friend.


"Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"  
  
Disclaimer: You should know what I'm gonna say by now. I don't own anything and I'm not profiting from this in any way. Get it, got it, good.  
  
Notes: This is short scene using the song Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered. DUH. Oh, yeah, and I made up the nurse. I'll give you a short background on her: She's Italian-American, and very close to BJ and Hawkeye. Her name is Celeste Gambino.  
  
Actors: 2m, 2f  
Characters: BJ Hunnicutt, Celeste Gambino, Hawkeye Pierce, Janet Baker  
Setting: Korea, 1952. A M*A*S*H Unit's Officer's Club.  
  
[Stage is set with small tables and green wooden chairs. On the wall facing the audience, there is a sign with the army seal and the words "4077th M*A*S*H, Best Care Anywhere" on it. Against that wall, there is a beat-up jukebox. L, there is a piano, which is currently unused. Front L, there is a bar. A few sit at it, sipping various drinks. In the R back corner, BJ, HAWKEYE, and CELESTE sit, relaxing. BJ has his feet up on a fourth chair.  
Couples dance in the background. BAKER sits front C by herself.  
A slow song begins to play.]  
  
CELESTE:[to HAWKEYE and BJ] I'll be right back.  
  
[CELESTE stands up and moves L to bar. She picks up a full glass and lays a dollar bill on the bar. As CELESTE returns to her table, HAWKEYE stands up, and moves C to BAKER.]  
  
CELESTE:[to BJ] Where's Hawkeye?  
  
[BJ points to HAWKEYE and BAKER. CELESTE sighs, sits down, and puts her feet up on HAWKEYE's chair. She takes a large culp of her drink. --CUE MUSIC--]  
  
HAWKEYE:[to BAKER] Care to dance, Lieutenant? I've got a cheek with your cheek's name on it.  
  
BAKER: [Giggling] Sure, Hawkeye.  
  
[HAWKEYE takes BAKER's hand and they begin to dance. CELESTE sighs and rolls her eyes.]  
  
CELESTE:[Thinking aloud; Singing(like they sing 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' in TLK on Broadway)] After one whole quart of brandy;  
Like a daisy, I'm awake;  
With no Bromo-Seltzer handy;  
I don't even shake;  
  
Men are not a new sensation;  
I've done pretty well I think;  
But this half-pint imitation;  
Put me on the blink;  
  
I'm wild again, beguiled again;  
A simpering, whimpering child again;  
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;  
  
Couldn't sleep and wouldn't sleep  
When love came and told me, I shouldn't sleep;  
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;  
  
Lost my heart, but what of it;  
He is cold I agree;  
He can laugh, but I love it;  
Although the laugh's on me;  
  
I'll sing to him, each spring to him;  
And long, for the day when I'll cling to him;  
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;  
  
He's a fool and don't I know it;  
But a fool can have his charms;  
I'm in love and don't I show it;  
Like a babe in arms;  
  
Love's the same old sad sensation;  
Lately I've not slept a wink;  
Since this half-pint imitation;  
Put me on the blink;  
  
I've sinned a lot, I'm mean a lot;  
But I'm like sweet seventeen a lot;  
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;  
  
I'll sing to him, each spring to him;  
And worship the trousers that cling to him;  
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;  
  
When he talks, he is seeking;  
Words to get, off his chest;  
Horizontally speaking, he's at his very best;  
  
Vexed again, perplexed again;  
Thank God, I can be oversexed again;  
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;  
  
[--END 'Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered' music; a new song begins--]  
  
BJ:[to CELESTE] Y'okay?  
  
CELESTE:[looks longingly at HAWKEYE and BAKER] Yeah...I guess.  
  
BJ: If it'll make you feel any better, I'll dance with you.  
  
CELESTE:[smiles slightly] Thanks, Beej.  
  
[BJ takes CELESTE by the arm and leads her to the 'dance floor.' They begin to dance.]  
  
HAWKEYE:[with mouth buried in BAKER's hair] I could've sworn he's married.  
  
BAKER:[absentmindedly; with head leaning on HAWKEYE's shoulder] Hmm...  
  
[CURTAIN]  
  
Note: Yes, I used real stage directions. Whoo hoo. 


End file.
